where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
