Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
