im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
