oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
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