She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
