Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
