I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
