every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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