Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
