There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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