I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
