ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
