textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
