Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
