you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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