Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
