Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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