Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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