..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
