I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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