Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
