I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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