it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
