Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
