I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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