i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm too high and old for this...
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
