I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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