Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
