Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
