I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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