Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
