i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
