Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
