He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
