you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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