Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
