Where is the hickey?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
