No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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