; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
