every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
