Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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