I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
