I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
