He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
