i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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