why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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