Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
