i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
