but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
