and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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