I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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