why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
