I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
