i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
