i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
