you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
you will always have a special place in my vag
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
