Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
