Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
