The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
