So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize