im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
