we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
