At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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